This is me and Chris Rock. (Photo by Ted Alexandro)

Going with the "rock" theme, this is Jamie and I on top of 30 Rock.

This is Jamie and I on Todd and Tyler in Omaha. She showered for radio.
Me on the other hand...those aren't camoflage shorts. Those are stains.

This photo is proof that whenever I feel cool, I don't look cool at all.

This is my friend at Lindsay playing the "pose next to a freak" game
at Coney Island.

This is my friend Luke posing next to a couple going through a breakup.
No funny caption necessary.

I told this lady that being black is gay.

This is my friend Cara beating me at arm wrestling on her birthday.
Also pictured, Jamie and my pink shirt.

Billy McQuigan, you are so dreamy!

I just completed a mile swim in the Hudson River at the NYC Triathlon.
Way to ruin the photo with a thumbs-up!

NYC Triathlon finisher! My friends Nadine and Lindsay made signs for me.
I raised over $3,000 to help people with cancer. Lindsay has photograph cancer.

From left to right: Sara, my niece Cheese Liz, Jamie, Me, my brother Rob,
Pregnant Stephanie and Shawn (the guy who knocked Stephanie up).

I'm an adult.

"Who said you could get out of the truck!?!" -Jackie Kashian

Jamie's sister Katie giving Pap a toupee.

This is me with Jamie, her ugly sister Katie and Thad. Also pictured,
Jamie's black eye.

Jamie got beat up by a Girl-Rilla at a bar on the Jersey Shore. She is still
cute with a black eye. I just re-read that last scentence and realized that
I am definitely white trash.

This is my friend Taylor Williamson getting molested by Rachey B.

This is a photo in the State Theater with the Nobodies of Comedy. I did
a show with Steve Burr, Morgan Murphy, John Mullaney and Taylor Williamson.
In the center of the picture is our tour manager John Trembler. If you look
closely, this picture is divided into two races. Very pale people and purple.

Jamie and Cara. The camera didn't give them red-devil eyes. Their eyes
are red because they are sinners.

Ryan and I in Cancun, Mexico. He gets uncomfortable when I touch him.
I stayed like this for 43 minutes.

Spilled purse, taco bell, crying laughing, drunk, panties showing...adult???

The New Faces of Montreal 2006 (Not pictured: four people).

Me with Paul Provenza, the director of the movie "The Aristocrats." They are making
a documentary film about the New Faces of Montreal, and I got to be a part of it.

I'm lucky to have really good management...Rick Dorfman and Ali Hart of
Relevant Entertainment.

Okay, douchebag! If you are going to fake like you can play the guitar, at least
take the price tag off of the strings.

Christian Finnegan and I could compete in the hair product olympics.

Jon Reep is a cool guy and a funny comedian. He is also constantly searching for
something called a "hemi."

Pete Lee and Roz: the new Nick and Jessica???

Whenever I'm around black people, I always kick it with a bottle of sparkling
Perrier water.

I'm hangin' with Mr. Cooper. He is tall. I'm six feel tall. In this picture, I'm standing
on a table.

Really Pete? Four pictures of black comedians in a row? What about Dr. King's dream?
To hell with your segregated photo page! (Me with Patrice O'Neal)

Really Pete? Really??? FIVE pictures of black comedians in a row? No, just me
with the brilliant Todd Barry.

Joe Devito is a sassy black woman trapped in an IT guy's body.

Nick Kroll has a staring problem.

Hyla Matthews has a problem with my staring problem. I had no problem staring.

Mike Birbiglia, an "Olive Garden Italian."

Wayne Federman, Lizzy Cooperman and me. (Not Pictured: Mel Gibson)

Me with fellow Minnesotan Maria Bamford and Avi Gilbert of APA.
(Also pictured, Avi's beard.)

Jeff Singer and Collette Hawley of Dating It. My life changed the day I met them.
They were the first people to bring me to NY.

Anne Harris of Comedy Central. Her kisses make me cry.

JoAnn Grigioni of Comedy Central has a way better jawline than me.

In Montreal, these two nice people came to my show. They said, "We heard
there was a Minnesota boy performing up here. Wonderful job!" These are
the late Mitch Hedburg's parents.

Nothing makes two grown men look more stupid than giving a "thumbs up" in a picture. This is me with Harland Williams. Also pictured, his freakishly large hand. "What a treat!"

Lazy jobless people watch the People's Court. But jobless comedians go to live tapings!

I ran the last 7 miles of the Mad City Marathon with my brother. Rob finished in 4:54.
I have small nipples.

Apparently at the World Bratfest in my home state of Wisconsin, this is a playground!

At the Mad City Marathon, I ran with my niece Victoria (illiterate) in the kid's race. For this picture,
I told her to "pose like a runner."

My Girlfriend Jamie and I with Mrs. Doubtfire outside of Stand-up NY. I love camera phones. Half the people who see this picture ask if we are with Conan O'Brien.

I'm so glad that Jamie isn't UGLY like her mom and her sister!

This year for lent, I gave up easter egg hunts. Oh, happy sweet easter!

Jamie's gram and I. I wish she would stop sending me naughty text messages.

These are my college agents Sue and Melissa. I'm totally doing both of them.



Bill Blank and I were the standouts at the Carroll Iowa International Comedy Festival.
"It makes no sense that your car insurance goes down when you get married. Ever since the wedding, all I want to do is drive off a cliff?" ---Bill Blank

I am the Best Buy Geek Squad guy. My first modeling gig, and I look tubby.