6/12/08 2:50 pm

I am really terrible at updating my website. My news page is about as accurate as, well, it is about as accurate as the actual news. I am on Last Comic Standing tonight. I have been on the ads that have been running on NBC, so I guess that I can tell you that much. I can't tell you any details, but I can say that I auditioned in Minneapolis. So look for me on the Minneapolis auditions tonight on NBC!

4/10/06 1:16 am

I cried all weekend when I heard the news. Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn are ready for a baby? Ready for a baby? I read it in US weekly. She can't have a baby? She's one of the last hot celebs that hasn't ruined her tight body by having a germ carrying life ruiner. Hasn't she seen what happened to Britney Spears? Jenn, I know you read my website frequently. So, please don't go through with this whole baby thing.

Other than that, things have been great. I did my first NACA conference. If you don't know what a NACA is, it is a conference where performers showcase their talent for college bookers. I'm going to be performing at a lot of schools this fall. Cha-ching! Maybe I'll finally be able to afford to get fat. I'm not slim, I'm just poor.

It is triathlon season again, so I have been riding my bike a ton. I rode 40 miles in Manhattan the other day. And then it dawned on me...if I had some chinese food to deliver, I could make some money.

2/8/06 2:06 am

I haven't written in a while, but alot has happened. I moved to New York in order to dedicate my life to jazz dance. I saw the movie center stage and it inspired me. No, I am not dedicating my life to dancing, but I did move to NY. It is extremely scary here. I get mugged every day by thugs wearing black hats who have intimidating stubble on their faces.

I actually love New York. People are a bit assertive, but everyone has been very sweet to me. I am signing with Relevant Entertainment as my management company. I just had a great audition with the E! Channel last week, and it looks like I might get a trip to L.A. to shoot a show with them. I am not getting any club work yet, but my friend Ted Alexandro has been showing me around. There are alot of great comics here, and so few spots. So, it might take a while to get regular stage time here. I'll let you know how it goes.

I really miss Minnesota and Wisconsin sometimes. I miss my friends and family a ton. And I'm not just saying that because they are the only ones who read my journal. My friends Rick, Josh and Allison have kept me sane in what could have been a very insecure time. My girlfriend Jamie has literally saved my life countless times. My head spins in the "blender" of this city like I am still a tourist. She stops me from walking in front of busses, taxis and large angry people on a daily basis. She also makes fun of me when I get lost in the subway every day. By the way, I love transportation that smells like the zoo!

There are definite moments each day where I realize how different the East Coast is from the Midwest. People in the Midwest are polite. People on the East Coast have manners, but they often view being polite as wasting their time. I haven't changed yet. Maybe I will? Maybe tomorrow I'll start spitting on old ladies!

8/5/05 12:11am

It is 12am and I'm sitting in my hotel room eating string cheese. I got to see Dale Earnhart Jr. live in the flesh tonight. I'm performing at Cracker's in Indianapolis, IN this week. The bar downstairs had a meet-and-greet with Dale Jr. His car was outside on the sidewalk. I'm not a NASCAR fan, or a mechanic. But maybe Dale Jr. would win more races if drunks weren't puking inside his hood two nights before the big race!

I did the BOB AND TOM radio show this morning, and it went great! 13 million nationwide listeners, and somehow I wasn't nervous. This was my second appearance, and they had me on all morning again. I don't know how I keep getting so lucky in my career, but good people keep taking a liking to me. Thanks Bob and Tom!

7/20/05 1:38pm

Flying is the Saturday detention of the adult world. You have to wake up early, sit quietly for three hours and get scolded for bringing in electronics. Can you guess where I'm at right now? I'm on a plane. I just got in trouble for using my iPod during takeoff. Which is worse, me using my iPod, or the eight year old boy in front of me that is still using a pacifier??? An eight year old BOY with a nook??? Why don't you just write GAY on his forehead? I don't see the big deal with my portable electronic device. I know they don't want heavy objects hurdling through the cabin in case of a crash, but I DO! If I'm going to die in a plane crash, my dying wish is to see my iPod nail the nook face kid in front of me! That and some grape soda. I love grape soda.

Other than today, I've been having a great two weeks! I'm flying to Tampa to headline the Tampa Improv tonight. Then, I get to work the West Palm Beach Improv with Dom Irerra the rest of the weekend.

Plus, I JUST SPENT THE LAST TWO WEEKS SHOOTING A MOVIE! A casting director, and my new best friend Debbie Delisi, saw me headline at Acme. She invited me down to be in the movie "A Prairie Home Companion." I play stage hand #4. I am in a bunch of scenes, so look out for me when the movie comes out in '06! I did scenes with Lindsay Lohan, Lily Tomlin, Kevin Kline, Meryl Streep, Woody Harrelson, John C. Reily, Maya Rudolf, Gerrison Keilor and Virginia Madsen.

Hey mom, I got to meet Gerrison Keilor!

6/8/05 12:58am

I just found out that I'm for sure going to be on Comedy Central's Premium Blend this fall.  We tape 8/25-8/27. This will be my first TV.  Not to sound cocky, but with my addition to the cast, look out for Premium Blend at the Emmy's and Golden Globes this year!  

A friend of mine had something funny to say about PB.  He goes, "You get 4 minutes on that show, right?  That means you'll still have 11 minutes of fame left!"

Either way, I'm excited.

5/18/05 9:53am

It really stinks when you can't sleep. I had a 6am flight this morning to Virginia Beach. I'm playing the FunnyBone with Jake Johanson this weekend. I don't know why I can't sleep on nights before I fly. I'm not scared to fly. I really think it is because I get genuinely excited to fly. I am one of a select few people who still gets a kick out of flying. Somehow it is still a novelty to me, like seeing an asian guy driving an American muscle car, or doing a comedy show where some neck DOESN'T yell out "Git 'R Dun!"

I think there's another reason why I couldn't sleep, drugs. I don't do "drug-drugs", but I've decided the best drug in the world is Exheadrin. Last night, the stage manager at the State Theater gave me some Exheadrin for my headache. All this time??? All this time, I've been taking sissy TYLENOL? Exheadrine is in a whole nother league. I'm pretty sure Exheadrin consists of one part novicane, two parts crack. All that I know is that my shoes had a heartbeat and I could feel my eyelashes growing...but no headache!

Time for a SNACK!!!

5/3/05 5:22pm

I had a really fun day today! I did my first professional photo shoot for the Geek Squad in Minneapolis. I've done several photoshoots in the past, but never for money. You may see me now in Geek Squad or Best Buy ads.

I've been having a lot of fun with this whole being a model thing. When my friends offer me desert now, I say something cool like, "Uh, I can't eat that. Remember, I'm a model? My desert is throwing up!"

4/8/05 7:32pm

Woooooooo!!! Friday!!! TGIF!!! Well, not for a comedian...

To most normal people, Friday means the end of the work week. To a comedian, it is the beginning of the work week, but now friends can finally come out and play. Jobs suck. I think about that every day when my alarm goes off at 7:30am. Then I press snooze and sleep until noon.

Today, I have nothing exciting going on. I'm going to clean the house and do the laundry, or otherwise known as "woman's work." That last line was just to get the goat of my feminist mom.

What a weird phrase? Get my goat? In the olden days, it must have been a really funny practical joke to steal someone's goat. "Oooooh, Bosefus! You have gotten my goat again! You card!"

Okay, now for macaroni and cheese!

2/24/05 7:32pm

I'm at 30,000 feet again, coming back from NY. I had an awesome time!!! I've been preparing for the shock of doing stand-up comedy in NY since I started doing comedy eight years ago. Turns out, it was no shock at all. It went great! I first did two warmup shows before my Montreal Comedy Festival showcase, one at a club called the Village Lantern and another at Stand-up NY. I learned that NY crowds are just like anywhere else, nothing to be afraid of, nothing to be intimidated by, just people in need of a laugh.

My Montreal showcase went really well. I'm really proud of how well I did. Now it is just a waiting game. Will I get a callback? I don't know. I hope that I'm what they are looking for. Either way, I had a blast!

Aside from stand-up sets, NY kicked ass. I got to see Times Square, the Empire State Building and the Central Park Cristo gates. I got to see the world famous comedy cellar and some of my favorite comics from Tough Crowd. I went to a birthday party at one of my favorite comic's apartments, Stephen Lynch. I got to ride the subway. I had authentic NY pizza everyday. I had a burger at the Corner Bistro. I got to take a cab home after partying until 6am. I never saw a homeless person, except for my sweet friend Lizzy Cooperman. That last line was a joke. I got to go to B&H electronics and learn that Best Buy is for sissy losers. I got to hang out with my new comedy friends Josh Wade, Craig Baldo and Marina Franklin. I saw a police officer every 25 feet. I never felt in danger. I learned that being "Minnesota Nice" is the only thing that scares New Yorkers.

Finally, I learned that bars, comedy clubs, restaurants and all other real estate is small and compact in NY. Maybe the guy who came up with the saying "Everything is bigger in Texas" just lived in NYC first?

2/24/05 7:32pm

I'm on the plane on my way to New York. I have the best luck in the world. I got sat next to two hot chicks. One is a model turned photographer and the other is a nurse that smells good. Thank god I'm so muscular so they can rest their heads on my shoulders comfortably. They are going to NY to see those orange gates in central park. They may come out to my show on Saturday. We're in the exit isle, so the entire plane is trusting us to usher them out the emergency exits. Little do they know, we've made a pact to only save ourselves and our ibooks. Suckers!

I'll let you know how it goets in NY!

2/20/05 1:22pm

I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm going to New York!!! I'm not excited though...

I get to showcase at the Comic Strip Live for the Montreal Comedy Festival on the 26th. This will be my first trip to NY. I was always told never to go to NY or LA unless someone invited me. I've been invited! My showcase set is tight, so I'll let you know how it goes!

12/1/04 4:25pm

This is about right, me updating my web site every five months. How sad is that? In 7th grade English class, Mr. Brunner used to make us keep a journal all semester long. We wouldn't have to hand in our journal until the very end of the semester. So, every student would end up writing 70 pages of journal entries the night before the last day of school. Maybe I should do that with this journal? I can go back and fill in for the last five months.

I just got back from Lambeau Field in Green Bay, WI. That was AWESOME! Even if you aren't a Packer fan, you should go to experience Lambeau Field. Picture the smallest town you can imagine, then drop a 70,000 seat stadium into a small neighborhood. I can only describe it as a Monster Truck rally where they played football instead. It was really cool. The people wearing blaze orange outnumbered the people wearing green and yellow. I went with my friend Ryan from Janesville. I wouldn't have wanted my first Lambeau experience any other way.

6/24/04 2:10pm

I'm finally HOME!!! I spent the last three weeks on the road. I was in appleton, dayton and detroit. They were great weeks. My week in Appleton was hot. The last time I was in apple town, it was halloween, so my week was luke warm. I didn't know why everyone said that room was so fun. Now I know. I can't wait to head back.

The crowds in Dayton were fun. The best part was watching what they were wearing. Joker's in Dayton is the "Official Birthday Bar." Every town has an "Official Birthday Bar." I thought it was hillarious, because these guys would bring their wives to Jokers to treat them to a birthday evening. The women would be so dressed up and beautiful. The dudes would be wearing jeans and tank tops. And not just any tank tops, tank tops they cut out themselves that were originally a t-shirt. What losers!

Detroit was the best stop of the tour. I stayed with my friends Meaghun and Jon. They are both engineers for GM. I'm sure that they are geeks at work, but they are very cool when they are not engineering. I had a BLAST with them. I got to run with Meaghun because she is a distance runner too. Jon took me to play paintball on Saturday with Eric and Craig's bachelor party. I never got directly shot, but I shot five people. That is pretty good, I think. There were all these paintball nerds there wearing full camo. This one dude I talked to was all, "The first time you get hit, it hurts like hell. But you don't even feel it because there is so much adrenaline." What a nerd! Friday night we went out after my show and got all CRUNK. I say CRUNK because I am from the streets, yo. Our afterbar was at Jimmy Johns. This crazy guy came up to our table and started talking gibberish. To combat him, I said, "Hey man. You should go to Jimmy Johns with us!" He was all, "We're at Jimmy Johns." So I kept on saying, "You should go to Jimmy Johns with us and get a sandwich. They make the best sandwiches." I said that over and over again. Finally, the crazy guy passed judgement on me. He looked like he had never seen someone as weird as me, and he walked away. Crunk.

Alright, I'm done writing in my journal. I have to go write jokes and watch the Ashlee Simpson show. She may be the only person alive who is dumber than her sister.

5/19/04 12:18pm

Go T-Wolves!!! Only six hours and fourty-two minutes until game time! I predict that they are going to beat the Kings. I say that because I can always go back tomorrow and edit this portion of my journal.

It is now WAKEBOARDING season. Click here if you would like to see a video clip of me wakeboarding. I'm still a little rusty this season, but it will come together. I would like to learn a few more inverts and another spin variation this summer. My body isn't 19 anymore, but somehow I'm not as afraid of the falls anymore. I got worked on Sunday from a couple of handle pass 360 falls. If you live in the Twin Cities, you are a wakeboarder and you want to take me wakeboarding...email me at pete@petelee.net!

So what do you want to talk about now?

This just added to my schedule...I will be appearing at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton Wisconsin June 2-5. I'm thinking of going to Gordy Blueballs wakeboarding camp that week. It is in Appleton.

5/12/04 1:47pm

I'm supposed to be in Indanapolis right now at the Funny Bone, but my week got bumped. Boo!

I'm just kidding. Comedy is a sweet life and one of the only speed bumps in comedy is having a week get cancelled. So, I'm taking this time to relax and write. Bree and I officially registered to run the Twin Cities Marathon this fall. I think that we're crazy to run it, but we're going to do it. My friend Ryan Williams said this about running the marathon, "You can do it man...one word, 'Oprah.'" That's right! If chubby Oprah can run the marathon, my skinny ass can trek the 26.2 miles.

And if you're wondering why I'm writing at 1:37pm, Magnum P.I. is a rerun.

4/27/04 12:47pm

I was dreaming when I wrote this, so sue me if I go to fast...

Today is a great day! I feel like a successful comedian today because I have my 2004 booked. Sure, there will be dates picked up and weeks that fall out, but I'm happy to have my december weeks filled! Getting all those bookings either means that I'm one of three things: funny, persistant or annoying. Maybe I'm all three, or maybe I'm pitiful and they feel sorry for me. Ha!

Okay, time to make mac and cheese and watch magnum p.i.

Jesus saves, but Ludacris withdraws...

3/29/04 12:21pm

T-minus 39 minutes until Magnum P.I. Thank you Paul Lakamp for being my one devoted fan! Bree too! You two have now outranked my mom on the list of people who are my top fans! Your devotion is KEY to my success! Your devotion brings great honor to my family.

T-minus 29 minutes until Magnum P.I. It took me 10 minutes to write that last paragraph! Time to make some mac and cheese. Got hurry, Magnum P.I. is on!